Okay folks, hopefully this article will be quick and painless because the cramps in my legs are killing me due to the terrible excitement that I was chasing at Great America. Yes, living for the moment as a thrill seeker did not come easy traveling several bike paths and going the distance with an 80 mile round trip adventure. The Skokie Valley Bike Path, North Shore Trail and Robert McClory where used and after reaching Green Bay Road and Grand Av. I spotted a red roller coaster that stood like a Chicago skyscraper beyond the hilly horizon.
After my unfortunate encounter battling the blazing Sun and the wind in my face, the time had come to pick up credentials at guest services. I recall going there with my friends John Ciganek and Dave Bavido to scam exit passes to skip the long lines. These old tricks will not work anymore and for that reason I needed to get a Flash Pass to cover this story in a timely manner. On Monday, Great America enforced reservations for all Flash Pass users. If you have no reservations, you will be shit outta luck and the Flash Pass will not be issued for any reason. Oh, you might want to bring an extra $70.00 as a deposit for that cheep orange wrist watch. There are no mask mandates at the park. However, I noticed an obese woman wearing flowery blouse and a fucking mask concerned for her safety and well being. Let's move on, okay?
On other fronts there are rides such as Wizard (Wizzad), X-Flight and the Bat Man roller coaster . But today was more than just feeding my adrenaline and eating lousy food. This was a mental health day and being on a Corona virus lock down weighed heavy and this was my only escape. After examining the Wizard, it felt like riding a Vincent Black Shadow motorcycle. Sitting by myself was uncomfortable and I missed my female companions that I once took on this ride so many years ago.
Next up was X- Flight, and this 3,000 foot long piece of machinery made of steel and twisted metal will have anyone feel like a "Top Gun" pilot. The black and red colors of this structure has a vertical incline of 120 feet and nose dives like an F/A Super Hornet aircraft built by the US Navy. After a sharp left turn and reaching a top speed of 55 MPH my engineering equation looks some like this: d = 120 + 3,000 = 1:45 of travel time. And who said you'll never use math? Trust no one.
Located at Yankee Harbor is the Bat Man roller coaster that can reach speed up to 50 MPH that will flip you, dip you and turn your world upside down. This ride is pretty wicked as you reach the top of a 105 foot upgrade with 2,693 feet of track, this ride will make you feel as if you the Dark Knight himself. In total, this ride is only 1:40 of heart pounding excitement on each turn around ever corner. This is a great roller coaster for those crime fighters and the only crime I see are those outrageous prices for $25.00 parking and $70.00 Flash Pass. Those rotten Motherfuckers!
Greed runs deep in this park and paying seven dollars for a soft drink and $15.00 for some Chicken Tenders is just plan extortion if you as me. You can do the math on this equation and you'll find out that you'll a small bank loan should bring the whole family. If you enjoy long lines like the DMV and bratty kids running around like wild animals with no self control, then this is the place for you. I suggest to get their early and to bring plenty of money because these owners of Great America are savages trying to pick pocket the American Dream.
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