Attitude & Altitude at The Chicago Air & Water Show

55 Years of Guns & Fun Under The Chicago Sun 

The only thing louder then a thousand Marshall full stack amplifiers at a Lollapalooza concert would be the sound of the afterburners of  an F/A-18 Hornet screaming overhead at 700 mph. However, that was last years Chicago Air & Water Show. This year, our infamous leader- Barack Obama cut military funding for Chicago's 55th annual Air & Water Show. Nope, things are different this time around as insurance salesman littered our beautiful skyline with advertisements. Greed is the American way with rich gypsies and flashy millionaire Fuckballs wanting you to like them on Facebook. But so what? Everything I say will be labeled as an act of treason and I could get shot in my face on the White House Lawn. So let's move on, shall we? 

You will not see “Eddie”  (Iron Maiden's mascot)  flying this highly-maneuverable, supersonic strike fighter at the speed of sound near the city’s beautiful skyline. The sonic-boom would shatter all the windows near the lakefront, and there would be a lot of angry rich folks thinking it’s terrorists launching some type of invasion. That’s not case.  This exciting event only happens once a year in Chicago, with civilian pilots implementing Hammerhead maneuvers and barnstorming to the commercial sounds of Rock-n-Roll.

In 1959 the first show was held under the direction of Al Benedict, a Chicago Park District Supervisor at Lake Shore Park and was part of a “Family Day” celebration for inner city children enrolled in day camp programs.  The budget was $88.00, and featured water skiers, diving competitions and Air Sea Rescues. Today, over 2 million people witnessed The Firebird's Delta Team, Lima Lima Flight Team and this year's first all Veteran Parachute Team. No U.S. Thunderbirds, No Golden Knights and no Blackhawk Helicopters. Just some Bozo from California flying a Red Bull helicopter and zipping back to Gary, Indiana.

Now this would make anyone’s mood foul, and it gets even better. Some brain child at the Mayor’s Office of Special Events found a new way to fleece the rich by purchasing a reserve spot at B.Z. Lounge for $500.00 each day, that included beer, soft drinks and a barbecue buffet and is the main focal point for the show.  As for myself, I used my press credentials and was seated in the V.I.P. section where the family members of civilian pilots were seated. I was treated like an orphan when I asked them for a hot dog off the grill. "That food is for the crew," a man in a red polo shirt said with narrowed eyes. Wow, a lousy thirty cent wiener and "The Crew" would rather toss all that food in garbage, than to feed white-trash, such as myself. Folks like this can smell money and they knew I was an Outlaw journalist. 

Evil Genius & Herb Hunter
photo by: Warrior Princess

Announcer: Captain Herb Hunter.  Nice guy, but he too reeks with gluttony, stuffing his face with grilled chicken. Good old Herb. He is smooth, quintessential and has logged 24,000 hours of flight time during his career as a Boeing pilot. And remember folks, if it’s not going… It’s not a Boeing. Captain Hunter has become a household name in Chicago since 1988, when he became the city's announcer for The Chicago Air &Water Show. Indeed, I spoke with Hunter regarding the laws of gravity and a G-force. "At super-sonic speeds, the human body is exposed to a centrifugal force, explains Capt. Hunter. One G is the amount of gravity for our body weight on the ground. A combat pilot can experience up to nine G's, that's nine times the normal body weight. And when the blood becomes heavy, it reaches the brain with difficulty and could cause tunnel vision." What Captain Hunter is saying, that if a person weighs 200 lbs, they would experience 1800 lbs of gravity pulling them down inside the cockpit.

My prevailing mood took a slight change for the better, when I saw smoke trails and several people jumping out of some type of aircraft. It was too high up in altitude to make out this U.F.O and all I could see was a smoke trail looping round and round toward the ground.  It was the All Veteran Parachute Team taking their big leap at 12,500 feet with a brisk temperature of only 40 degrees Fahrenheit.  This can be a highly contagious Virus know as The Disease for Speed. This illness is like no other. In fact, it will kill you faster than Goat flu and the sad part is you’ll never see it coming right toward you.

When the human body is falling out of the sky at 120 mph, it’s time to put away that college Physics text book about Irresistible Force & Immovable Objects. For example, when a speeding automobile drives into a building, twisted metal and death is what you'll see.  Imagine what an unsung hero could do to someone's roof if both parachutes fail. The homeowner is going to need a big sponge, a bucket of bleach and shovel to clean up that mess. Okay, I am getting carried away and this is a family event, not some poorly written Hollywood movie that no one will see. So, lets move on.

Buzzing around the Chicago skyline was yet another thrill seeker that’s been affected by this airborne virus. Heli-skiing, cave SCUBA diving and flying more then a 1000 air shows, Sean D. Tucker is a rock star of the sky. Tucker’s airplane, the Oracle Challenger bi-plane is a fire breathing beast with over 400 horsepower that can travel up to 300 mph.  He is a leader in the airshow business and has received all of the industry’s highest honors for low-level aerobatics. Awards include, the Crystal Eagle Award, World Airshow Federation Champion (2000) Living Legend in Aviation (2007) and in 2008 Mr. Tucker was inductee in the National Hall of Fame.  Sean D. Tucker is the only civilian performer to ever be allowed to fly close formation with both, Blue Angels and the Thunderbirds.

When summer stops, the fun stops as well. People will be back to work, the children will be back in school and it will be business as usual once again.  The Chicago Air & Water Show is a reminder to everyone that the fun stops here. Not all Chicagoans will agree with this. Some will shoot their pistols, others will get drunk and then try to hack Facebook for some strange reason. And then we have those who believe in two seasons, Summer and Football. Until then,  let the games begin.

Evil Genius & Captain X
photo by: Warrior Princess